Mad Manners

Trained from infancy by a travelling Maltby circus troupe, a colourful stage and screen career in the former U.S.S.R. and Canada followed, culminating in the catastrophic job as the eighth dwarf, which ended his prospects in those parts of the world. Falling back on his skills as a bear wrestler, by uncanny fluke he made a meteoric rise to generalissimo of a small South American country which all went wrong due to a popular uprising engineered by his opponents. He had to lay low, finding work in a Swedish disco band where that historic meeting took place with a certain fellow by the name of Smashed...

Born in a crossfire hurricane, it was clear he was something special when Smashed loosed a fart and it all stopped. A history of adventure and derring-do led Smashed one day to that Swedish disco band of destiny, joining to raise funds for his non-smoking, teetotal evangelistic bible study group. Keeper of the sacred library of pop knowledge, holder of the keys to Great Aunt Nelly, featured in the Guiness Book of Records under "sweatiest man in the world", Smashed also holds a bronze survival swimming certificate and 'O' levels in psychotics and biosockgraphy.

Accidentally created in a Prague laboratory circa 1875 during secret military experiments to develop a new strain of combat wombat, Tall escaped and for decades roamed wild in the forests of eastern Europe, eventually befriending a nomadic tribe of Transylvanian dentists who taught him the esoteric ways of playing bass and singing a bit. Following the gothic dentist purges of the early twentieth century, Tall fled to England where he has to keep moving around to hide the fact that he does not age physically, like that bloke in 'Highlander'

Actually a direct descendant of the Pinocchio family, and 'Moko-Djinn' out of 'Tekken', Woodman is in fact made completely out of wood, but an unusual bendy kind of wood that allows him to pass unnoticed as if he were an actual real normal human made of skin and that. What appear to be drumsticks are, amazingly, extensions of his own body that he is able to change into any shape he wishes by the power of will alone somewhat in the manner of the terminator T-1000 but of course made out of wood. (comments about his reputation amongst the womenfolk could be made here, but of course Woodman is completely faithful to his one 'wood-wife' as is the custom in his homeland).

Shut in a piano as a child by his strict schoolmaster father, Mentalman dreamed for long years of dancing free in the open spaces of the 'Outsideplace', and here made the first designs for what would eventually become the now famous 'Chicken Dance' as it has been called. Receiving the wisdom of Ska through radio broadcasts intercepted on resonating piano strings, Mentalman's eventual release was followed by a period of inter-railing in the Underworld, which he ended by climbing up out of an enchanted upside-down tree whose roots were made of Drum'n'Bass, trunk was made of Reggae and branches and leaves were made of Ska. Morris was awarded a knighthood in Christmas 2003 for his services to arpeggiation, after incorporating circuits from a ZX spectrum into his own hands to improve performance speeds and accuracy.