Description
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The band were formed some ten years ago in a pub called The Stumble Inn in Sheffield.
Andy – is the shoutist. He loves his vintage battered SM58 micromophone (that’s microphone to non-musicians) cos it makes him a bit louder, and he is a lead coiling expert. Andy is also an expert in sleepism and having his face decorated. He can stay in bed until tea time without a problem, it doesn't even matter if it's a school day! We call him Andy cos he’s useful sometimes, (see above – coiling leads) his real name is Cuthbert and he was born in a stable on a small farm in Sheffield. Funny thing is, his mother was approached shortly after the birth by 3 thick men brandishing gifts of marmalade, plums and brown sauce! Now that’s too close for comfort… scary!
Mark – is the bassist. He fought for this job (and we let him win cos he’s very old) cos as everyone knows it’s the easiest job in a band! (only 4 strings!) and coincidentally he only has three fingers and a thumb on each hand. Mark, I recently discovered, is a southern Jessie!! Yes he was born in the south (Essex) where they speak cockaneese. The southerners told him to leave their world as he was eating all their kids, so he moved up to Huddersfield and then Chezvakia. We Northerners won’t put up with this sort of behaviour, and after a few short years shining old pennies for pensioners, he learned his lesson. Mark is also the daftest member of our little outfit, his jokes are often heard repeated in school playgrounds all over the north.
Paddy - joined the band in 2011 as Rod left to grow plastic bottles for green peace and collect fairy shit?! .... Paddy is a little over 3 foot tall and looks to weigh about 17 stone! We've yet to see him sober and fully concious without a cigar on the go and he insists on wearing shorts for some reason!? Apparently he sleeps with his finger up his bum and he too comes from over the border in Chezvakia and like Mark, he has an abnormal number of digits 5 fingers and a thumb on each hand (they are a bit webbed though) In Chezvakia they play banjo's normally so Paddy's had to learn how to play a proper guitar. He's done okay though, in a few weeks he can now play sat up, and by the first gig should be standing! We welcome him as a brother all the same.!
Dave – is the thump banger. He likes to bang away at his four skins whenever the opportunity arises. Dave took this role .. seeing one of his uncles beating his chest in a “Natural World” TV program and thought how hard can that be?! Often being referred to as the big bald ugly bloke at the back doesn’t bother him though, cos he doesn’t understand English. (being this ugly is not easy, he does work very hard at it) Born in a rain forest in south Sheffield, he has come a long way, but always finds his way home again. Dave likes a drink (almost as much as Andy) but unfortunately spills most of it down him as he still can’t grasp the swallow without slavering technique. (don’t worry Dave it’ll come)
Unlike some bands, our philosophy is to have a good night so you do.Not too serious and not up ourselves!!
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Sheffield Time
